kevin fucking smith

last night brad and i ordered chinese food and watched jersey girl which is the WORST movie i have seen in a long time.

i won't go so far as to say it's the WORST MOVIE EVER but it was pretty fucking bad.

here's how bad it is - there is this scene where ben affleck is called upon to give a speech to assuage the fears the jersey townspeople have about some disruptive construction work that ben afleck and his dad, george carlin (!!!???), really want to do. ben affleck used to be a public relations hot shot, so george carlin asks him to get up there and give the speech of his life because he's the only lunkhead on their crew with the god given talent to do so.

that's not horrible in and of itself. trite, yes, but horrible; no. but to impress upon the audience how moving and effective ben affleck is at public speaking, kevin fucking smith plays the scene as a mutherfucking MONTAGE of ben afleck giving the speech from behind, ben afleck raising his arms out expansively to make a point, the concerned and moved looks of the jersey citizenry's faces as they stare trustingly at ben affleck, etc. BUT WE NEVER ACTUALLY HEAR ANY OF THE SPEECH!!!!

have you ever heard of anything so ridiculous as a FUCKING MONTAGE of a moving speech in a movie? i mean, it's a speech and it's a movie so why not show a scene of ben affleck actually MAKING a riveting speech to MAKE the fucking point that the speech is riveting and that he is a riveting speaker?

i'm still obviously quite irritated about it today.

when the film ends the viewer is left with the sense of having been subjected to a totally fucking gay movie pathetically laboring under an edgy indie film pretense. it was hateful and you'll feel totally screwed if you watch it.